For therapist and instructor Jaye Tee, her grandmother had always been a source of comfort, the person she could turn to when she needed help.
As her grandmother grew older, their roles shifted. At first all the visits, appointments and errands seemed manageable, but her grandmother began to need more and more care. Jaye kept trying to adapt—only to find herself sinking into a pit of “caregiver quicksand,” barely able to keep up yet never feeling like she was doing enough.
In the end, Jaye was at her grandmother’s side for almost 15 years.
When her grandmother died, Jaye falsely believed that her training as a therapist would help her navigate this loss. The hospice that had provided support services toward the end of her grandmother’s life offered 13 months of grief counseling, and Jaye set out to take charge of her grief with a positive attitude and grieve “appropriately” throughout these months.
But she soon found grief doesn’t follow schedules or obey commands.
Her plan to “focus on the positive” derailed quickly into unrelenting nightmares, growing anxiety, a tendency to push away the people closest to her, and finally a sense of disconnect so strong Jaye felt like a stranger to herself. But in the end, help from unexpected directions and some surprising discoveries led her to a new way of thinking about grief—and remaining connected with her grandmother.
13 Months: Diary of a Caregiver’s Grief follows Jaye’s journey through the messy, tangled landscape of grief and post-caregiver PTSD to the hope that lies beyond.
