By Darlene Fuchs
from Illinois, U. S.
As I sit down to share a piece of my heart with you, I’m overcome with a rush of emotions. Get In The Boat: A Memoir of Love, Loss, and the Dance With Dementia isn’t just a narrative—it’s a tapestry woven from moments of raw honesty, profound loss, and unwavering love. Or as Dad said, “In the case of dementia, the game of marriage is over. Now the vows become real, it’s time to get in the boat”
At the heart of this memoir is my father, Richard, whose courage and vulnerability defined our family’s battle against Dementia. I can still feel the weight of his apprehension as he envisioned the chaotic aftermath left in every room as my Mom wandered in search of the bathroom, a scenario that had sadly become routine. He couldn’t help but murmur, “It’s going to be a wonderful day. What an incredible wife I have,” upon discovering the solid mess in the toilet bowl.
I remember vividly the guilt that consumed him as he reluctantly left Mom’s side to play a round of golf, a fleeting escape from the constant demands of caregiving. Each swing of the club, each moment of respite, was overshadowed by tension in his shoulders and the distant gaze in his eyes. The enjoyment of the game was marred by the conflict within him, torn between the responsibilities he felt to care for Mom and the desire for personal solace. It was a battlefield of joy and sorrow.
But amidst the darkness, there were moments of light. I’ll never forget the tears that welled in Dad’s eyes as he tenderly cradled Mom in his arms, their shared grief forging a bond that transcended the limitations of language and memory.
“My husband,” Gail would murmur, her voice a whisper in the chaos.
“And you,” he would reply, his voice hoarse with emotion, “you’re the light that guides me through.”
Then came Covid—a silent intruder poised to steal our remnants of normalcy. Lockdowns isolated us from the outside world, plunging Dad into a harsh reality: as the world shrank around us, Mom’s descent into dementia accelerated.
Through it all, Dad remained steadfast in his devotion to Mom amidst daily uncertainty. He wrote in his journal, “As long as our hearts continued to beat, as long as we continued to wake each morning, my marital vows are still as real as the day I made them. As long as I continued to honor that, Gail was my wife, and I was her husband. That would always be.” Until it wasn’t.
Despite Covid’s looming presence, which kept us physically separated, we brought folding chairs and positioned ourselves on the grassy knoll beneath Dad’s window. Looking up to the second floor, we’d see him peering down, his face filled with a mixture of longing and gratitude as our conversations resonated through the open air. The absence hugs, the palpable distance, and the constant uncertainty surrounding his well-being stirred a profound ache within me.
Mom’s absence weighed heavily us, a silent yet relentless reminder of the void her departure had left. For Dad, it was as if he had fulfilled his purpose. There was no longer a will to continue, no lingering guilt or doubt—only a deep yearning to be reunited with his beloved bride.
Reflecting on Get In The Boat’s final pages, I’m engulfed by a whirlwind of emotions—mourning losses endured, yet deeply appreciative of sustaining love. Despite the hardships, my heart is filled with profound gratitude for the invaluable lessons learned from Dad and Mom’s journey. May their story serve as a beacon of hope for those facing their own trials, a testament to the enduring power of love even in the darkest of times. For in the depths of our struggles, there is always a guiding light leading us home.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” – Matthew 11:28
Bio
Darlene’s life took an unexpected turn when she was catapulted out of corporate America into the world of caregiving. It began with standing by her father-in-law through his battle against liver cancer, followed by the heart-wrenching journey with her grandson Noah, who bravely fought and succumbed to aggressive brain cancer. As Darlene confronted the unfathomable loss, she found herself broken, the maternal wounds of her daughter’s agony too profound to mend. Both were engulfed by their own immense grief, their worlds shattered in parallel. As fate would have it, she was once again thrust into a heartbreaking scenario, this time alongside her father, confronting the relentless and cruel erosion of dementia in her mom.
Discovering that faith doesn’t erase life’s difficulties but equips one with the resilience to navigate its storms, Darlene candidly shares insights on marriage, personal family challenges, and the persistent struggles of caregiving within the pages of this memoir.
In ‘Get In The Boat,’ Darlene fulfills a heartfelt promise to her father, Richard, inviting readers into the raw and unfiltered emotional journey of her beloved parents through the relentless grip of dementia. This poignant narrative not only pays tribute to their memory but also serves as a guiding light for those navigating the turbulent waters of caregiving.
Contact Information:
EMAIL: Darlene@DarleneFuchs.com
WEBSITE: GetInTheBoatBook.com
AMAZON: https://amzn.to/48nJY9v
FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100092701665994
LINKEDIN: https://www.linkedin.com/in/darlene-fuchs-46aa7447/
INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/getintheboatbook/
TWITTER/X: https://twitter.com/Darlenethefox
TIKTOK: https://www.tiktok.com/@darlenefuchs1
